BipolarCentral
Your One Stop Source For Information On Bipolar Disorder

Loved One With Bipolar Disorder?
Discover How to Cope and Deal with
Your loved One's Bipolar Disorder

Do You Have Bipolar Disorder?
Learn the Secrets to Cope and Deal
With Your Bipolar Disorder

Child With Bipolar Disorder?
Learn How to REALLY Help
And Support Your Child

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Secrets to a Successful
Relationship Revealed

Marrying Someone With Bipolar?
Learn How to Support Your Spouse
and Avoid Common Mistakes

Need Money Because of Bipolar Disorder?
Learn How to Be Successful Even if
You are Dealing with Bipolar Disorder

Drug Addiction and Bipolar Disorder
Secrets to Beating Drug Addiction
When Dealing with Bipolar Disorder

Need Affordable Health Insurance?
Information You Can't Live Without
If You are Dealing with Bipolar Disorder

In Debt Because of Bipolar Disorder?
Get out of debt fast!

Improve Your Emotional Health
Reduce Your Stress Levels and
Increase Your Brain Power

Toolbox for Fixing Your Children

By David Oliver

Therapists are always hearing complaints/requests from parents with children who have bipolar disorder to "fix my child." It’s understandable that it is difficult to raise such a child with their special needs; however, "fixing" is not such an easy answer. Fortunately, there are some things that are the same, whether your child has bipolar disorder or not; and other answers that are attainable.

Children’s basic needs are one thing that has not changed over the years. They still have a basic need for food, clothing, and shelter. In addition, however, they also need to feel loved, to feel safe and secure, and to know that their parents are interested in them. Children will act in such a way as to make sure that they get their basic needs met.

Think of "fixing" your child as using special "tools" from a toolbox: Children need boundaries, rules, expectations and security. This is how your child will have their needs met. Many parents are very busy today; however, you don’t have to give up your job or your sleep to be a loving, effective parent.

Your child needs rules. Think about how unsafe you might feel if there were no rules to follow. The good news, however, is that you get to make the rules and your child gets to follow them. Your rules need to be clear and "age-appropriate," and most of all they need to be followed. Do not bend the rules; as this will give your child the wrong message. Your child needs to know that rules are to be followed and if they are not, there will be consequences (which are set by you). They need to know exactly what these consequences will be.

It is to be expected that your child will try to test the rules and will seem to always be testing you; however, this may be because they want to make sure that you are in charge.

As the parent, you should know that it is appropriate for you to make decisions about your child’s playtime, dinnertime, bedtime, etc. Your child needs to know that you are the boss, as this helps them to feel safe and secure. Unfortunately for you, because your child will recognize that they don’t have control over these decisions, they will often "push your buttons" to feel control over something — in this case, you.

Don’t respond emotionally to your child’s negative behaviors. This would make your child think that they have control. If your child can make you scream and yell, then they have accomplished a lot – and then what you are facing is a power struggle. If you can control your responses, not letting them even get a rise out of you (as difficult as this might be), their behavior will usually just fade away. Remember: YOU are the boss and you can prove this by maintaining your control.

Let’s talk about boundaries – this refers to how much you are willing to tolerate. This is when clear-cut discipline and punishment come into play. Some people might call this "structure;" whatever you call it, it is a must for every household.

These are things like: Is your child allowed to curse in your home? Does your child have a curfew? How long can a child whine before they get a timeout? Again, your child needs to know about these boundaries to feel safe and secure, and to remember that you are in charge.

A teenager may not want a curfew, but having one will let them know that you care. Do you ask your teenager where they are going and who will be with them? You may want them to feel independent, but not asking can confuse your child into thinking that you are not interested. What if they come home after curfew? Will they get punished? Again, let your teenager know that you care. Pay attention to what they are doing. Stick to your set boundaries. Reinforce discipline and punishment for breaking rules.

The same holds true for your little ones: How many times is your toddler allowed to say "no" to a bath before getting a timeout? Even your little ones will respond to consistent boundaries.

This leads to the issue of expectations. Let your child know exactly what you expect from them, and be realistic. If you want your child to do chores, set up a chore chart so they know what nights to take out the garbage and what nights to clean up the table. A lot of parents don’t like the idea of putting a chart on the fridge, but it does help to establish a routine and give structure. Does your child get an allowance? Do they earn it or is the cash simply given? Some families turn the allowance into an incentive.

Children need to know what to expect, as well as what will happen next. This becomes a bigger issue than just doing chores – your child will feel safe and secure when they can anticipate what will happen next. A house that has no rules, expectations or boundaries will confuse your child and make them anxious. Children will often act out in an effort to find out what the rules are, what the boundaries are and what you expect of them, acting out in ways to seek out the structure that they secretly desire.

Did you catch that word, secret? Most children will try to keep it a secret that they want order and rules in their lives, but don’t let them fool you. Many times, parents don’t realize why their child is misbehaving. It’s not because they are a bad parent or because they have failed their child. It can actually be attributed to their child’s well-kept secret of needing a stable environment.

Parents should take a firm yet fair approach. Unfortunately, children will always be testing their parents; that’s what they do best. But you need to understand that they do it for a good reason. They want to make sure that you love them. By maintaining structure in your home, you can provide them with a sense of security, as well as helping to maintain your sanity.

About the Author

David Oliver is the founder of FreeBipolarCourse.com, a one-stop source of information on how to cope and deal with bipolar disorder. Sign up for one of his FREE Mini Courses on bipolar by visiting FreeBipolarCourse.com

Back to Article List

This Week's Bipolar News

Overeating and substance abuse are similar disorders
Los Angeles Times
People with bipolar disorder have higher-than-average rates of obesity and substance abuse. But McIntyre found that the obesity rate in bipolar patients was ...

Club stoush bowls out member
The Advertiser
A MAN suffering from bipolar disorder and depression has been barred from membership at a Sydney bowling club after a clash over club bylaws.

Mom abandons 18-year-old under Nebraska safe-haven law
Richmond Times-Dispatch
LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) -- Police say a woman has abandoned her 18-year-old daughter at a hospital, saying she can't control the girl, in what may be the latest use of Nebraska's unique safe-haven law. The woman told officials at BryanLGH Medical Center West that her daughter, who was adopted, is bipolar and has a learning disability, Assistant Police Chief Jim Peschong said today.

Click here for all Bipolar News.

Featured Article:

Romancing Your Spouse

"Romancing your spouse?" Ok, I can already hear you yelling at me! I know, it's a strange concept, but hear me out. Some of the longest-running marriages have lasted because of this very concept.

You may be thinking that this has nothing to do with Bipolar Disorder, but it does. Even the best of marriages has some strain on it - the pressures of day-to-day living, at the very least. However, Bipolar Disorder puts additional pressure on your marriage because of the issues you have to face in dealing with the disorder, whether you are the survivor or the supporter.

No matter how long you've been married, the suggestions in this article can put some "spark" into your marriage. And if you've only been married a short time, putting these suggestions into place now can help ensure a long, happy, healthy marriage (of course, you will still have to do some hard work yourself to make that happen as well!).

Click here to read the entire aritcle

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy

Copyright 2004-2008, BipolarCentral.com