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Bipolar Disorder - Taking One Day at a Time

My son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001. For some parents it is a devastating diagnosis. I was relieved, however; not because he had a disorder, but because I finally knew what was wrong. It wasn't because I was a bad parent or that I was too soft on discipline, which family and friends had accused me of. My son, when not manic or in a rage, is very charismatic, charming, and has a great personality. He is highly intelligent, a talented artist and loves to draw. When he is in a manic mood or is raging mad he is stubborn, unrealistic and has a frightening temper. But before he was diagnosed and began treatment, little things such as being told do something or being denied something he wanted could make him mad, tearful or outright delusional.

I was frustrated for years as doctors told me he was ADD or ADHD and that his rages were due to a lack of a male role model. (His father had committed suicide when he was three). I knew in my heart that this was not true. So I found as much information about ADD and ADHD as I could to educate myself, and though he had some of the traits, I felt most people do. I wasn't convinced; nowhere in the literature was there anything about mood swings, extreme anger or many of the other actions my son was demonstrating.

My son's father was bipolar, and I had never learned much about the disorder other than my husband was unpredictable and irrational before his death. I wanted to know why my son was acting out this way. I placed my son in counseling, hoping to have a break through. It took two years for this breakthrough, but to me it was worth it finally I had my answer. I wasn't crazy, a bad mother, nor was a lack of male role model a problem. My son had a medical condition. Understand - I wasn't celebrating, because this would be a long, difficult journey. But now I could help my son, and I was now able to find a way to make life a little easier for him and our relationship.

There were many times after an episode in which a few hours afterward he would come to me in tears upset with what had occurred. I would console him, reassuring him and telling him that as a family we would find a way to deal with his disorder, and we have. My son is now a teenager battling his disorder with medication and fitting in. It is not an easy road. None of our journey has been. We have learned to take each day as it is, and hoping each day will bring us better judgment and understanding. Though it is hard to understand why a bipolar person does what they do, it is also hard for them to explain why they felt it was the best course of action for them.

My son and I have fairly good communication regarding these problems. Though I have had to demonstrate some hard love tactics at times, he is learning I am not doing this because I want to hurt him emotionally. He has come to understand that it is because I have a deep love for my son and want him to grow up with the functionality that most teenagers develop instinctively when they don't have to contend with bipolar disorder as they mature.

My son has been hospitalized twice, been in partial care several times, is in constant therapy, and participates in family counseling with me as well. I have a family advocate that will accompany me to his IEP meetings (Individual Education Plan) through school in which we have developed a way for my son to learn in an environment in which he is comfortable and can excel with the help of a day treatment program

Though there are many more aspects of this disorder I could expand upon, the bottom line is that raising a bipolar child, then teen, means your days are filled with shock, joy, confusion, heartache, surprises and tears, not to mention appointments and guidelines. I now know with a child/teen with bipolar, everything is black and white. Assuming that they think and act the same way as a person with allergies would is unrealistic.

A day to day living experience for my son relies on a written documentation of what behaviors are expected of him, what is unacceptable and consequences for those actions. Every day is different; some days he is compliant and will do what is expected of him at school and at home, and others he will do what is expected of him at school but not at home and vise versa. Weekends are a whole new ball game; it is any sport you want to call it. Sometime he is combative, a comedian, rude, tearful, serious, or just a regular teen. I never know one day to the next, but what I do know is that with love, logic and education regarding his disorder, I will be able to help him make the right decisions. My son has made some bad choices, scared me plenty of times, and sometimes I have had to make decisions for him. I know as time goes on we will make it through taking one moment at a time.

About The Author

Stacey Adams supports her mother and child, both of whom have bipolar disorder. Stacey is a contributing writer for www.BipolarCentral.com.

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I am the ultimate perfectionist.  Yes, me.  I even got a fortune cookie one time that said, "You have a yearning for perfection," do you believe that?"  Even Confucius knows it!

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