Bipolar Disorder and Arguments

By Michele Soloway

In the best of relationships, bipolar or not, arguments are either avoided or resolved by a combination of communication, patience, understanding, and cooperation; things learned, developed, and practiced over time. Unfortunately, the best relationships are also the rarest relationships. The worst relationships, of course, are the exact opposite of the best relationships. So, the rest of us live somewhere in between the two.

A relationship involving one of the partners having bipolar disorder is not necessarily “doomed from the start,” but it does inherently come with its own share of difficulties above and beyond those of a non-bipolar relationship. One of these areas may come in the form of arguments. The good news is, you can learn to manage this problem and continue to have as loving and healthy a relationship as any other couple—it just may take more patience and understanding on the part of the non-bipolar’s (supporter’s) part.

The first thing to realize is that when someone with bipolar disorder is in an episode and exhibits anger, chances are that even though that anger seems directed at the supporter, it is more likely just a manifestation of the episode than the person having the episode, and not a true reflection of that person’s real emotions.

To take it a step further, if the person with bipolar lashes out in anger over an insignificant or seemingly trivial thing (I lashed out over a parking space, I was once told), chances are that they are not even aware of it, and/or will not remember the event after the episode is over. Because of this, it takes even more patience and understanding on the supporter’s part to “hold his tongue” to avoid an unnecessary and unfruitful argument; however, if the supporter continues this practice, he will reap the benefits in the end, as they both learn how to manage their arguments if/when they occur, whether during an episode or not.

If the supporter can discuss the events that occurred during an episode with his partner after the episode has passed, and especially if he can do so in a calm, loving manner, then both of them will have progressed in their efforts toward an even closer and healthier marriage. They will have developed their communication, patience, understanding, and cooperation. Then, perhaps, given time, they may even join the ranks of one of those “best relationships.”

About the Author

Michele Soloway has dealt with bipolar disorder from a very young age. Her grandmother, mother, herself, and her teenage son all have the disorder. She also lost her sister to suicide because of bipolar disorder. Michele has a blog for bipolar survivors at http://bipolarsurvivor.blogspot.com, and is also a contributing writer to www.bipolarcentral.com.

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